January 1, 2023

happy new year! really kind of wild to be in 2023! so much of 2022 was viewed through the haze of anxiety and dissociation for me as my mental health dipped and dipped until it bottomed out completely by the end of july and into august. what a time of suicidal ideation that was...not good times...not good times at all. it's still a slow climb up from that nadir, and it will continue to be an ongoing slow climb up, but i'm honestly pretty happy going into 2023! i feel...not so much hopeful as i guess optimistic? which is a massive improvement for me, and i want to continue that trend!

so a very hearty and sincere happy new year to anyone reading this! i wish the best of health and joy to you in 2023! i hope it is a kind year to us all.

my new years eve was really comfortable. amanda came over and spent the night. we played lots of board games and did our yearly die hard rewatch while my cat stared at us from a safe distance. it's a hard life when you are an over-sized infant torn between your fear of this random human and your need for mommy pets. it was a really nice night, and AHHHHHH!!! MY FGO LUCK WAS INSANE!!! but i'll screech about that in like...a few lines lol!

Media BS

1. SHIROUMASA CAME HOME IN FGO. HE CAME HOME SIX TIMES. IT WAS ACTUALLY INSANE. MY DISGUSTING WEBPAGE CATALYST WORKED. I HAVE NP6 BECAUSE I GOT TWO OF HIM IN BOTH MY INITIAL AND FINAL PULLS WHERE HE SHOWED UP. ACTUALLY BONKERS!!! SHIROUUUUU, I LOVE YOUUUUUU. i've maxed all of his skills and append skills. he is only lvl 94 for now until i get enough grails. i miscounted so badly when i started taking nobukatsu past lvl 100! AND NEW YEARS KIREI ACTUALLY WAS REAL ON JP??? i owe nasu my life. once i finish reading tsukihime and have refreshed myself on fsn, i'm going to write the disgusting shikoto fic i promised if new years kirei was real. i was hedging my bets on saber!kirei being feasible before he turned out to be an alter ego and bucked hte new years saber > foreigner > saber > foreigner pattern, so my initial idea was the super simple "fsn au but other half of otp gets summoned by otp" since that would play way too easily with fsn!shirou already summoning saber lol. ...i still want to do it, though. it'd mostly just be an excuse for gross and degenerate otp nonsense. ANYWAY, IF SHIKOTO ISN'T REAL, THEN WHY FGO???
2. still working my way through ciel's route in tsukihime. kind of impressive how into arcueid shiki seems even on ciel's route lmao.
3. i sort of threw on the fourth season of the dragon prince as background noise since eh, i like claudia and her family (even if soren is now a loser because he stopped desperately craving daddy's love and fulfilling my need for more incest). her new boyfriend is okay when he isn't being a fart joke, and while the show's presentation has improved, i still do not give a singular fuck about anyone that isn't claudia, viren, or soren. this show is an incest vehicle for me. claudia, please dump fart boy and date your dad!